Glasses
by Merula
Summary: Sap, WAFF, What happened when we started to think about Vash's sunglasses....


Standard Disclaimer: Trigun does not belong to me. Wish it did!  
  
Eyes are windows to the soul. Rem used to say that- a quote from somewhere that she liked and remembered. Hers certainly were. Rem had a beautiful soul, it shone out of her eyes all the time. My soul? It's not as beautiful as I'd like it to be, that's why I wear the glasses. I don't really need them, the sun doesn't hurt my eyes at all. I use them to hide my soul. When I fight someone it's to hide the sickness I feel at having to fight. When I'm angry they hide the eyes of the diablo- as Monev called it. They hide my pain from the world when I just can't smile anymore. Not that the smile was much of a cover- Wolfwood saw through that and said so. The insurance girls seem to see through it too, but they don't say anything, they just give me that 'you aren't fooling us' look. I wonder if the glasses work as well as I think they do. Probably not.  
I wonder if Wolfwood uses his glasses for the same reason? Or is it just to look cool? I know he's keeping things from me, I know that he hurts, but I only see his true self when he's relaxed and unguarded. Most of the time he seems to be playing a role. Like me, I suppose. He's driving right now, flirting outrageously with Milly, who's teasing him right back.  
She doesn't need to use glasses to hide her soul. Milly's soul is as beautiful as Rem's and she lets it shine out of her eyes. No, her trick is letting people think simple means stupid. It doesn't. Milly's pretty damn smart, but her simple outlook lets her get away with saying pretty observant things. Like how she told Wolfwood that she just had to help people if she could- the simple solution to complex problems. Wolfwood gets too caught up in the details that Milly simply ignores. Huh, she and Wolfwood would make a good match, really.  
Then there's Meryl. She doesn't try to hide- not really. She doesn't need to. Oh, she tried to be a tough insurance girl when she came out here, but that pose is wearing away fast. She uses that pose now when it suits her, and she is tough- stronger than me when it comes down to it. But where Milly seems to be simple, with hidden layers, Meryl shows her complexity. She's faceted like a diamond, each side shining brightly as she turns. Her temper, her compassion, her whole personality is there to see.  
My glasses hide my eyes as I study her, admiring her profile, the way she smiles at Milly and Wolfwood's conversation... She turns to look at me, smiling. Her grey eyes reflect me as she looks over, and I wonder how I seem to her. She knows me, knows what I am and what I have to do, but she shows only acceptance... No. It's not just acceptance. I can't pretend that I don't see the love in her eyes. Not anymore. I smile for her the best that I can. She looks away after a moment and I wonder if I've fooled her at all.  
  
"We're almost there," Wolfwood calls over his shoulder. I smile at Vash.  
"Isn't that good news?"  
"Huh, yeah, I suppose.." Vash answers absently. He's facing forward, glasses over his eyes, head leaning against his hand. I wish I could see his eyes. They are usually a good indicator of how he's doing, but Vash tends to hide them whenever he's upset or hurt. Nothing bad has happened the last few days, but that doesn't mean something's not bothering him. Hell, having your only brother want to chase you down and kill you would dampen anyone. It's amazing that Vash can ever be cheerful. Of course, sometimes it's a false cheerfulness.  
The longer I follow Vash the more I've come to realize what parts of him are real and what's just a pose. No wonder he was always by himself before now- it makes it easier for others to believe the superficial cover he displays most of the time. I'm kind of amazed that he's let the three of us stay with him this long. I wonder if it's because we've proved that most of the time we can take care of ourselves or if he was just lonely. I want to reach out to him more, help him carry some of his burdens, but I worry that will just drive him away. That thought makes me frown a bit- I don't want to be away from Vash.  
"Is something wrong, small insurance girl?" Vash asks me, looking at me over the top of his glasses, his eyes faintly worried. Over me?  
"Huh? No..." I reply. "Just thinking." I smile for him again and he leans back in his seat.  
"About what?" he asks, eyes veiled behind the glasses again. I feel myself blush a bit and without bothering to really think of a decent excuse I reply honestly:  
"Your glasses." Luckily for me, Wolfwood and Milly are focused on each other or I'm sure the priest would've made a wisecrack. But Vash looks startled. I guess it is an odd reply. Then he smiles faintly.  
"That's funny," he replies. "So was I."  
  
"I can't wait to get a bath," Milly complains. "After that sandstorm yesterday I feel all gritty."  
"I'd be happy to wash your back for you," I tease her. Of course, I would be more than happy to do anything for her, which Milly knows.  
"I'm sure you would Mr. Priest, but I don't think we'd both fit in the tub." Her eyes twinkle at me.  
"We'd have a good time trying though." I shoot back at her. Milly laughs as Meryl rolls her eyes and I even hear Vash chuckle. That's good, he's been brooding for the last few miles.  
"Hey Wolfwood, quit trying to pick up on Milly and concentrate on driving okay? I'd like to get to the town before dark." He says after a moment.  
"Spoilsport." I grin back at him. "Relax spiky, you can see the town from here." I hope we can stay out of trouble for awhile. Vash needs a rest, though Knives, that bastard, will probably never let him have it. I feel myself tense up at the thought of my erstwhile employer. Damn him. Protect his brother, but at what price? Why do I feel like there's more to his plan than he's letting on? And why do I feel so guilty? Hell, to be honest, I know why. Vash is my friend now. And I'm betraying him. What if Knives asks me to hurt him- or even worse- the girls that follow him? What would I do? What would Vash do? Vash cares for Milly like a brother would, and Meryl...he loves her- though won't admit it even to himself. What would Knives do with news like that? I can see Meryl reflected in my rearview mirror, smiling at Vash. Even though I know she's a crack shot with those derringers of hers, to me, she looks small and fragile, too easy to break - no stop that train of thought right there. I'm not going to hurt the girls. No matter what that bastard tells me to do. I glance at Milly, who's looking at me worriedly, and give her a smile. "Sorry, woolgathering." She smiles back, and my heart lightens as it always does around her.  
  
Whew, I definatley feel better after that shower. It would've been nice to really have Nicholas join me, but I'm afraid that might've shocked Meryl no end. Not to mention Nicholas. I smile at the thought as I pick up my menu. The restaurant is small, but the food smells good, and I'm really hungry. Vash and Meryl are talking quietly about the route we're following. I'm pleased to see that they are talking and not arguing. It's been less and less arguing and more talking as we've traveled, and I'm glad of it. It's about time they stopped hiding how they felt for each other that way. Now I want to shake them both into reason- You love each other! Enjoy it while you can! We never know what might happen tomorrow. But I can't just say that to them- I've hinted often enough in my own way, but... hm- maybe there's another way.. I hide my true thoughts behind an innocent smile and turn to the man next to me.  
"Have you decided yet, Mr. Priest?" Nicholas gazes at me, his smoky blue eyes warm with affection. I know how he feels about me, it's apparent in every look and gesture he makes towards me. I know he's hiding something from us- something awful- but I don't care.  
"Not yet, big girl, have you?" His voice is low and caressing, making me turn a faint pink. Luckily, Meryl and Vash don't notice, being too caught up in each other.  
"No..." I look back down at the menu and make a quick decision, as the waitress is approaching our table. Nicholas's hand touches mine under the table, warm and comforting, my fingers cling to his. If only I could hold on to him forever... but no one can make that promise. Not now.  
  
Hmmm, nice looking guys, pretty girls. All taken of course. I sigh inwardly as I take their order. No chance of a date out of this group. They don't talk down to me like most customers, and the big blond one gives me a smile of thanks as I tell them it will be out soon. As Marv cooks up their meals, I study them out of the corner of my eye. The diner is practically empty this time of day, so I have a good look. The dark haired guy is holding hands with the tall girl under the table... how cute. I remember when my first husband and I used to do that... I wish them better luck than we had. The blond one- huh- he seems sad for some reason, even though he's smiling. The dark haired girl next to him is obviously trying to be comforting without impinging on his personal space. Oh, c'mon honey. He obviously adores you- can't you see it? Wouldn't hurt if you just... ah that's good. Just a hand on his arm, but can't you see how it comforts him? I hope you tell him how you feel soon- waiting isn't always a good idea. Look what happened to Sue and me... ah well. Marv rings the bell and I go scoop up their orders. More customers are coming in... 


End file.
